Ok readers…if you’re anything like me, then we have all had one, an absolutely irrational breakdown. You know what I am referring to, the tumultuous bawling, sitting against the wall with snot dripping from your nose, kind of breakdown over the tiniest most insignificant inconvenience in the entire world.
Depression takes a toll, it has a powerful way of making us lose our shit out over nothing, talk about feeling positively insane! I can genuinely admit this has happened to me way more times than I would like to admit…accidentally f***ing up the food I am cooking, the dogs getting into the trash and spreading it across the whole apartment, being stuck in traffic, or god forbid…stubbing a toe. Yup…been there, done that, had an absolute meltdown…what the f***??
You promptly begin to feel like you’re absolutely insane, you tell yourself it's not a big deal as the tears are still pouring from your eyes, while your mascara drips swiftly down your face, ruining whatever shirt you are wearing at the moment. You find yourself repeating, “I’m fine, I’m fine, everything’s fine, you’re being ridiculous…” are you though? Is everything really fine? It’s not.
We tell ourselves we are fine so we can invalidate the feelings we really have, so we can convince ourselves we are happy. Well, stop it!! It’s ok to not be happy, it’s ok to be miserable sometimes, it’s OK to have irrational breakdowns! My dear readers… it's just part of it all, part of the depression that suffocates us, part of the anxiety that refuses to let go of its binding grip. Truthfully, all we can do sometimes is embrace it; allow yourself that breakdown, sometimes it's healthy! It has already been established by research that crying releases endorphins, so let it blow, let the snot pour!
The worst thing we can do is try to convince ourselves that we are fine when we aren’t, embrace the suckiness, my friends. Cry about that burnt dinner, cry about the trash spread from corner to corner, cry about the traffic you’re stuck in, absolutely let it loose for that stubbed toe, you deserve it!
To my readers that don’t feel ok… it's OK!!
Yours truly, AA
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